Sunday, December 9, 2007

No Man's Land (AKA: My Dream Home)

I tend to have a somewhat reclusive nature. On one hand, I am quite 'garrulous' (or so I've been informed) and good natured, but a deeper part of me craves solitude and self-reflection. Okay, maybe not so much self-reflection, but definitely solitude. Don't know why it is, but I've always pictured myself retiring to a little cottage in the middle of nowhere; there I would while away the hours in front of a crackling fire, with a cup a tea and a good book in hand. Course, I would have my dogs (and cats) at my feet, keeping me cozy.
In this mental image, the wind is always howling outside, and the cottage is creaking with age.

Yes, I may be somewhat strange.

But then, a couple of months ago - July 15th to be precise - the Daily Mail printed this gem of an article, replete with photos, of No Man's Land - a Victorian sea fort off the coast of Portsmouth. My jaw dropped, and my previous fantasy dissipated like water off a ducks back when faced with the possibilities (you know, for self-reflection and such) owning such a property would afford.
I mean, surrounded by the sea, your only neighbors dolphins, whales and the occasional sea bird, who could resist?

My true, previously unrealized dream, really involves vast open miles of North Sea, a helicopter pad, and luxurious accommodation.
Who knew?
Excuse me while I go root about in the couch cushions... this lifestyle doesn't come cheap, but £4M for this piece of paradise?
I'll take it!

Lovely, ain't it?
My own little spa..
I could be persuaded to entertain occasionally - I would have the room, obviously.
I might also install a cannon, you know for effect.. and maybe to keep the BBC licensing folk away...

The fact that No Man's land is still within the jurisdiction of the UK, did give me some pause, but I got over it.


Sheri said...

Dear Jane,
Wow that IS some house. As a writer, I too am gregarious, yet reclusive. I need my space and alone time too! Yet, I can't help worry about what it would be like in that house during a nasty storm. I imagine there are many lightening rods!

Sheri said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lady Jane said...

Sheri.. welcome!
You actually caught me in the midst of updating it.. I cannot post without changing it 20x!

The storms:-) Storms make me happy.. I told you, I may be a bit strange;-)

The Hitch said...

I wanted that when I saw it.
Slight problem
Be nice to spend a night there in the middle of a storm, cosy and warm.
Trouble is you would wake up with hundreds of huge seagulls crapping all over your house and attacking your cats (and you).
Thats why those forts are so cheap.

45govt said...

Hitch, the gulls would be a plus in my view, think of the money you would save on clay pigeons! My idea of heaven sitting in a deckchair waiting to shoot the shit out of gulls. It may be because I went to prep school in Toquay, and their fucking racket haunts me to this day. Couldn't shoot enough is my motto.

Lady Jane said...

OK, 45G.. you're invited - see Hitch.. problem solved;-)

The Hitch said...

Hitch once shot a gull in the middle of a football game.
Well, as a lad I used to wander about by the river Mersey and adjacent farmland with my trusty Weirauch along with friends.
We were non too fussy about what we shot.One day we were on the edge of a football pitch by the M62 and I fired at a gull, hit it through the wing, it couldnt take off so started running, right into the middle of a football match. Being humane I wanted to finish it off as quickly as possible , so ran on , said excuse me and shot it in the head.
This didnt go down too well 30 years ago so lord only knows what would happedn today if somebody did that.

Lady Jane said...

Bloomin' hell Hitch.. do do have some stories to tell, don'cha?
Eve's a lucky girl;-)

Shelley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Daisy said...

it looks fab lady jane...i am looking for a hermit retreat myself...more in the form of a log cabin...secluded...but with some woods around to walk in...i love reading a book under a tree with leaves underneath me (or grass depending on the time of year)...well stocked wine cellar and i am good to go...

Daisy said...

oh yes and a shed...for a friend...

Lady Jane said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Lady Jane said...

Dais.. that would work for me as well. I do like the woods, and the imagery is magic!

killemallletgodsortemout said...

LJ and Daisy,

At the risk of being thought of as a right ponce, and at the risk of being told where to go by you two, Mrs K and I have a cottage in deepest, darkest France.

We make a dash for it when the pressure of work eases. France isn't too far from London.

Completely renovated, it's in the Burgundy region, in the middle of a forest, with crackling log fire and a great deal of solitude. For us, it is absolutely perfect. Oh, and a wine cellar, Daisy, with the finest Gevrey-Chambertin and Meursault.....

No seagulls, just wild boar, deer, red kites and LOADS of storms!!

45govt said...

Sounds lovely Killem, just the place I have in mind!

Lady Jane said...

Killem.. I am officially envious (in a good way)

Ponce? You? Don't make me laugh!

The Hitch said...

I adore france, good place to move to if it wasnt for the high taxes.
At least their Muslims know that they arent welcome outside of their ghettos ,same with the folk of a *coughs* a darker persuasion.

Lady Jane said...

Doesn't sound like Killem has to worry overly about that being out in the middle of a forest.

Oh, what fun to be Mrs. K!

killemallletgodsortemout said...

LJ and Hitch,

We love it.

It's exhausting going over there. In the hamlet, there are a dozen farm and forest houses. We're the only Brits. Our place was once the hamlet's drinking den, till the Nazis dropped in. Was derelict till we got hold of it.

Whenever we visit, we are invited for "aperos", a rather good french custom where we have to drink the finest french wine, eat masses of game, have a jolly fine time, then go home. Last time, we went to the local Blacksmith's house. After a few sherbets, he opened his armoury. 45G would have loved it. Remington Hunting rifles, a 1915 Colt .45, (I kid you not) several French revolvers from WW1, just loads of great kit. Superb evening, and we've had many such.

There are three children in the hamlet. Three of the finest children I have ever had the pleasure of meeting. They are polite, well-mannered, well-educated and a joy to be with.

The baker comes around with delicious french bread - like the baker did here 40 years ago - There is no aggro, and I love it.

On my Grandson's life, in the three years we have been there, we have never seen another human being in the forest, nor on any of the lakes that we go to.

Nearest Muzzies are in miles away in Dijon, and once Sarkozy gets going, I reckon many of them will return whence they came.

It's BLISS!!

Lady Jane said...

Killem... I was just talking to TS, and we both think you should have a blog! I would be an avid reader;-)

45govt said...

Killem, thers's alot of lovely weaponry around from the wars if you can unearth it. I remember years ago on a visit to the Normandy invasion area, being told that all the farmers and householders were heavily armed, and burglaries non-existent!
Alson in Belgium, the place is stiff with kit, I got offere an M1 carbine a couple of weeks ago when I was there.
I must say your bolthole sounds absolutely idyllic, I am v envious.

BTW Hitch, if you are still around, I checked on that schnell mag, it was for an MG42.

The Hitch said...

mr 45 govt
I recall the days in france when one could pop into the local gunshop and buy an ar15 as long as it was in 222 not 223 without a permit
a nice pump action 18 inch barrel shotgun, single shot 22 pistolsand all the ammo you wanted.
Hitch stocked up on brenneke slugs and teargas.
In one shop I bumped into an Irish man and his son doing some shopping, being at the time it was (the 80's) I was a little suspicious so engaged them in conversation "feck the gun laws we are buying some winchesters in 22 and a ruger 1022"
"smuggling it home in the panels of the caravan, do it every summer for my pals"
Had lunch with them afterwards. My kind of folks (+:

killemallletgodsortemout said...


I would blog, but Mrs Killem is a hard taskmaster, so I'll just have to enjoy yours, and a select few others. TS was, and will be, spectacular. It took me ages to post a comment, but once I saw the Good Ol' Hitch, I couldn't resist it! He speaka my language.


The last time I was in Boulogne, I was seriously tempted to buy an MP 40. That, and the Walther P38 are my all time favourite weapons. Shame the pistol clubs have disappeared over here since Dunblane. Now, in France........

Last time I was in France, I wanted to clear an antique shop full of WW2 kit, bayonets, a cabinet full of Resistance pistols. Kid in sweetshop, 'kin magic. Mrs. K. had a funny turn, in local parlance known as a shit fit. I'm not sure how it translates into French, must find out.

She was, however, seriously impressed by the 12 - bore "self-defence" (yeah, right) pistols that are on sale over there.

Hmmmm, do you think she might like a brace for Christmas, LJ?

Lady Jane said...

Lol Killem.. you are one of the funniest commenter's (and kindest) on the blogosphere;-)

I will pass on your regards to TS, as he doesn't seem to frequent the comments section - unfortunately!

Regarding prezzies for Mrs.K, what woman wouldn't love a pair of 12-bore pistols from her man?

..Maybe with a brace of diamond earrings on the side??

I trust you to make the better determination;-)

45govt said...

Killem, should have grabbed the MP40. I was once the proud possessor of a Thompson M1A1, but gave it away when I was young and foolish. P38 is a good bit of kit, but not in the same league as a 45govt Model, as you will appreciate!
I wonder if, in the cabinet of resistance pistols you mention they had a Liberator, a cheap .45 single shot pistol specially produced for dropping to partisans and resistance? I know the feeling you describe "'kin magic" -it's a disease that has afflicted me all my life!

Aahh I do love a good gun blog! Sorry LJ, for trespassing

Lady Jane said...

45, you have carte blanche around here.

Lady Jane said...

btw.. you did mean gun story didn't you.. cause a gun blog, this is not;-)

Now, did I tell you all about the Walther PPK I had? No, well it was given to me when I was around 19 and I took such good care of it, until I... Oh, Never Mind.

Daisy said... sounds downright lovely...

killemallletgodsortemout said...

Sorry LJ, for using your blog like this, I know it's not a gun blog but,


I know the Liberator pistol you mean. Looks like it was made in a metalwork class, by a 5-year old?

They have these on display in the French Resistance Museums.

I know a little shop where I might be able to buy one, en France, of course........ I'll keep you posted.

LJ, I mentioned the diamond earrings, but Mrs K has opted for a couple of day's pampering in London, with one or two of our girls, instead.

Quality, the women in my life - sheer quality!

Lady Jane said...

Killem.. no need to apologize... you too have carte blanche around here;-)

The man that appreciates his women.. now that is quality. Merry Xmas!